You know what? FUCK Family Guy!

I’ve been there while Seth MacFarlane just outright shit all over men’s rights and the perception of strong, decent men (American Dad), and then shit all over our common sense and apparent tolerance for outright crap (The Cleveland Show), but Family Guy has finally pissed me off enough to stop watching it forever.

Seth has finally given his audience a “FUCK YOU!” that is unbearable.  And yes, the whole bullshit 2-episode run of Stewie “killing” Lois and then getting killed in a simulation was a pretty big fuck-you to the audience before this.  And don’t even get me started about that whole banal episode of Brian and Stewie locked in that music-less, cut-scene-bereft bank vault!

Seth, here’s a tip: stick to singing, you beef-witted Sinatra wannabe!  Your storehouse of jokes is clearly empty, and everything you do is more and more gimmicky.  You’re not just pandering to the lowest common denominator anymore… you’ve become it.

But let me tell you, my readers, just which was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back… the death of Brian.

Aside:  Yes, I know I’m an episode late in writing about this, but I’m behind in my Comcast On-Demand watching (Basically, because they put in fucking commercials with the programming, unlike the way better Netflix option… but that’s a rant for another time.), and only generally watch shows there that don’t show up on Netflix or YouTube (I’ve soured on commercials in general, so I tend to stay away from Hulu as well now.) – and FOX is really slow about releasing new (or good) stuff to Netflix.  (Note to FOX: Get on the ball!  I want more Bob’s Burgers and Brooklyn Nine-Nine on Netflix!  GET IT DONE!)

Anyway… back to Brian.  He was the one grounded character on the show.  Yes, he was kind of like an alcoholic Beta version of a PUA, but it was his intellectual side that I enjoyed… his writer side.

He was the smartest character in any given room (except when FG blatantly pandered to the female audience in that asinine Lauren Conrad episode), and yet still managed to be the underdog.  He was often the voice of reason, yet was flawed enough to be incapable of actually lording it over anyone.  Brian was self-aware, but largely ignored.  And last but not least, he was always talking about the book that he never really got around to writing.  I guess in a lot of ways, Brian reminded me of… me.

And Seth MacFarlane killed him.

But it’s far more than just the removal of a character with which I identified from his narrative with which I find fault.  It’s the removal of reason – of instruction – of knowledge… all to be replaced by some shoddy (obviously) last-minute Jersey Shore caricature.  Brian represents the voice of reason in our comedy that in-duh-viduals just don’t want to hear anymore.

America doesn’t want to think… they want to be shocked, entertained with stupidity, or just flat-out lied to.  The Old Guard of Comedy is dying out… Jon Stewart and The Daily Show, Bill Maher and Real Time (Sorry, Bill… True Dat.), and even Bill Burr sounds like he’s getting a little more whipped in every successive comedy special.  Is nothing sacred?!?

Now America is left with the incessant buzz of drivel and pablum like Jeff Dunham, Dane Cook, and more than one (Consider: it’s moronic that there’s even ONE.) singing/dancing/talent show!  The barrage of inanity is so deafening that no one’s listening anymore!  TV used to be special – a treat that had to be “brought to you by” some old-timey product.  Now it’s just that thing that bored, overworked cogs turn on at the end of a day of mind-numbing cubicle work in order to have some “white noise” to fall asleep to.  It’s the cheap babysitter for a nation of soccer moms that have neglected outdoor activities for their kids and substituted junk food, Ritalin, and Nickelodeon.  It is now the vortex that sucks every possible creative impulse from a nation that used to be GREAT, all so that we may anesthetize ourselves to the grim facts of how rotten our leadership has become, and how truly directionless we are.

The death of Brian means (to me) that now our creativity and intellect will never be truly prized again in the mainstream.  We will be a nation of clods, plodding along toward lonely graves by the thousands and stupid millions.

I can never watch Family Guy ever again.  Merry fucking Christmas, America.

UPDATE:  Before you jump to comment, yes – I’ve been told that Seth brought back Brian with the next episode (three weeks later – incidentally, plenty of time to get some last-minute script out to your Korean animators due to Twitter backlash).  You know what?  I still think he’s a pathetic sell-out.  You know why?  Because there are only TWO options here…

Option A: Seth genuinely meant to get rid of Brian, but caved to social pressure to bring him back.  This is actually possible, although not likely.  It would make him less of a manipulative, machinating asshole, but he’d still be a disingenuous asshole… and you all know how I feel about that.  The very fact that it was possible that Seth tired of the one intelligent character on the show is altogether disgusting to me.

Option B: Seth planned from the start to bring Brian back, and it was a stunt.  This is worse… and by all public accounts, is supposed to have been the case.  You all know that this option makes Seth both an avaricious opportunist and a liar, right?  Check with the nerds for the first part of that – every time the owner of a character in a franchise decides to kill a character, it is good for sales (or in this case publicity and ad revenue, which is basically the same thing for TV people).  Seth, business-savvy creator that he is, knew this.  And knowing that, (and receiving all the requisite free publicity from public outrage) then turns around and smugly declares that it was all some sort of bullshit Christmas message about loved ones.

FUCKYOU, Seth MacFarlane, you lying sack of shit!

I stand by my previous assertion – I will never watch Family Guy again, and I’d advise any loyal MGTOW or Red Pill Ladies to do the same and refrain from indulging in this asshole’s future endeavors… any of them!

About Emperor Lu Bu

The Emperor of Xeresgate - if you wish to know more, read my words.
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